14 days to Bangkok - Training update

It has been a week of high drama in the training camps these last 7 days with a bizarre serious of events, the like of which neither Nostradamus, Mystic Meg or Derek Acorah could have hoped to predict.

It started last Saturday, a day that will be remembered in infamy. It began with ETS deciding that the most suitable cycling outfit for the Team would contain pictures of pink cupcakes. The plan was to have something garish but the fusion of Lycra and cupcake would, if seen in the Tour de France, get the anti-doping boys rushing off to get their test tubes. Sadly it is believed that ETS was both sober and fully compos mentis when he made the call. We await the lycra’s arrival from the US with a degree of trepidation.

I kid you not....

That same evening his Knibbs, whilst at a 3 years old birthday party decided to once again demonstrate his uncanny similarity with Tom Daly and show off some of his best diving moves. Unfortunately Tom usually turns his tricks in much deeper water than David had available and tragedy ensued. A visit to casualty, five stitches in the noggin and a diagnosis of whiplash, and he now has  a lot more in common with Gladstone Small then we ever thought possible.

Moments from disaster. (A dramatic reconstruction)

The conspiracy theorists amongst us believe this was just a stunt to provide a backstory for the acceptability of getting a wide range of bandanas added to the kitbag to “keep the sun of the stitches”.

Hayda has entered the serious home stretch of tapering the training and using a cover story of a chest infection to spend even less time on the bike. ETS will assume the role of team leader when the Tour begins now that his fitness levels are approaching those akin to a champion ironman.

This picture has nothing to do with anything.

ETS has even been keen to ride in the smog that has descended on Singapore this week. “Cycling in the Smog is just like having a ciggy permanently on the go…. its brilliant” he was heard to gasp between coughs.

"perfect conditions (cough) to simulate the effect (cough) of 20 a day, without having (cough)  to find a 7-Eleven!"

The news from the boys down South in the self proclaimed “Clever Country” (if that’s not the most irony packed expression I don’t know what is!) has been of mixed signals.

Mr. G has been taking a leaf out of Hayda’s book and is in a serious tapering phase, even his photoshopped Nike running posts have stopped appearing on FB. However his energy levels will no doubt be at max when his starts his team role as domestique for ETS in Thailand. “I will leave nothing on the road in ensuring we get ETS to the finish line” he dutifully said. This is widely believed to be complete bullshit as he is expected to use fair means and foul to ensure ETS is 1^st on to the dribble bus.

Competition for seats on the support bus is expected to be fierce.

Adam is meanwhile doing an MH370 and staying off the radar. He is reported to not to have had to go to casualty, not choosing cupcakes for anything, not sucking down lungs full of smoke and has not had a baby.  His preparation appears perfect and we expect great things from the Senior member of the team.

Bulletin Ends.