Day 3 - Welcome to the Jungle

Distance Covered - Irrelevant - it was really really hot and a bit hilly too. :-(

The Sun had barely risen over the distant horizon when the team freshened from their nights slumbers met in the Breakfast hall to carb and protein load for the day that lay ahead. With all the optimism of fresh recruits heading to the line for the 1^st time, talk was off weight loss, PB’s, climbs to look forward to and sprint finishes.  Hayda delightedly reported that he felt less sick than the previous days and was up for a “big-day” and the others were equally charged with excitement.

After a sportsman’s breakfast of bananas, coffee and fags we “Cupcaked-up”, checked out of the Hotel and made our way round the back to the car park where the bike truck was located to meet our trusty steeds for the 1^st time that would get us through the jungle to Phuket.

The crowds were out in force to see the Cupcakes on their way

After some quality faffing we were ready for the Grande Depart. A short cruise back into the town we had scoured so hard for a beer the previous night, a quick parade lap round some island thing and we headed off on the bitumen out of town and into the unknown.  The team resplendent in hot pink with cup cake motif riding line astern as the kilometres soon began to go by.

The riding was flat and uneventful but it soon became obvious to all that the brave and noble Hayda, despite his herculean efforts to raise himself from his death bed, was struggling not just in the 40 degree heat but with the hard pace being set by the front of the peloton. Time and again the elastic snapped and he was tailed off. If it wasn't for the regular cigarette breaks being taken by the Peloton he would no doubt have disappeared out of the back door and on to the bus.

This continued for several hours and it soon became apparent that even those of us who lived in the steam-room that is Singers were finding the still dry heat much tougher to deal with. Water breaks were as frequent as cigarette breaks, and finally we pulled over to a small shack showing some kick-boxing which would be our lunch venue.

While the rest of us watched kick-boxing Mr G still only had eyes for the camera. The torturous heat continued throughout the long hot afternoon and under the heat of the Burning Sun tempers became frayed, reputations were in tatters and mate-ship (to use an Aussie word) was being strongly forged. However it was at this time during this infernal suffering that the Legend of Cupcakedness (probably another Australian word) was founded. After what seemed like the thousandth palm oil plantation our guide, finally declared it was "beer o'clock" and we pulled over beside the support truck and eagerly knocked the top off a few cold ones.  To say it had been a vision of hell would have been an under statement.........and also sadly premature.

A still shot taken from a sense of humour failure moment.

The "Bungalows", our accommodation for the next few nights redefined our visions of hell like a motel had never done before. The Zero Star Eastern Europe place the night before now seemed like a luxurious memory. To convey the ambience of the "Bungalows" below are the Top 10 and Worst 10 points.

Top 10

1. There were beds in the rooms
2. There was WIFI
3. There was Air con
4. Breakfast was supplied
5. There were showers in the rooms
6. There was TV in the rooms
7. The Motel Manager was on 24 hr call
8. The Motel Restaurant staff were also on 24 hr call
9. The Motel was quiet enough that our stay did not inconvenience others
10. There was an impromptu boutique art gallery in the reception area.

Worst 10 

1. The beds all had dead mattresses which probably needed Gordon's Ramsey's special lamp shone on them. This may have at least killed off the menagerie of insects calling them "home".
2. The WIFI signal was incapable of downloading anything.
3. The Air Con provided limited cooling but what it lacked in "chilling capacity" it made up for in tractor-like noise and room vibrations.
4. Breakfast looked like this (see below)
5. To use the showers you had to be sitting on the loo at the same time.  After a long day cycling this could easily be seen as a plus.
6. The TV only had limited Thai only channels, all with copious static.
7. The 3 toed Motel Manager lived in a rocking chair in the open plan reception area where he chewed some grassy looking stuff and generally looked scary at anyone who passed his way. 
8. The Motel staff all lived in an annex to the open plan reception area. This annex contained an assortment of people of various ages and sexes, all of which were believed to be part of the Motel Manager's extended family.
9. No-one else was daring to stay at the Bungalow. Hence we were the only guests.
10. The art in the reception area consisted of mounted cross machetes and various animal skulls. A little bit sinister but very Damien Hurst I thought.

Scrambled egg sandwich. Photo missing the optional grass stimulant offered as a "side" order. So after a tiring Day 1 in the saddle the Cupcakes headed off to a restaurant in a stunning national park for dinner. Sadly it was night and we saw nothing of this beautiful vista. Knocked the top off some Singhas and rested our weary bodies.  None of us at all went into the local town to try the two main bars there in search of some nightlife. Things we learned today: Hayda was gone. Nothing in the tank It is sub-optimal to drop your phone whilst cycling in 40 degree temperatures as it results in having to do some hills twice. Pad Thai can maybe become repetitive. Thai "chewing grass stimulant stuff" is ineffective. Never diss a three toed man who keeps machetes close at hand. Its going to be a long week.